Sometimes, I’m not a very good mother. Steffi had been yelling, “Help” for quite a while before I actually left my computer to come and see what was the problem. Somehow, she had gotten stuck in the couch. All she had to do was to pull her arms out, but somehow her little muscles couldn’t quite do that.
We’ve all been feeling a bit stuck since Nicole’s death. Steffi has been acting up in a way we are not at all accustomed to experiencing. She has slammed doors, shouted, scratched and hit. She disobeys. She won’t follow directions. Actually, those are all normal activities for pretty much all kids, it is just that Steffi has never done any of those things. Is it because she is dealing with her own emotions about seeing Meme for so many weeks and then not having her there any more? Or is it that she is just ready for school and more activities? Maybe she is just finally safe enough with us to act out?
I’m trying to act on all fronts. I want to spend more time with her and give her extra attention. I’m trying to notice her right away when she asks me something and to hold her on my lap even more than usual. However, I’m also going to have her spend a second day each week with her friends at Mothers Day Out.
Chris and I are just now getting out of our fog of feeling down and deeply sad. The strangest part is that we both have been focusing on our own last five years of life a lot–as if we suddenly were facing our own deaths. We’ve both thought about death a lot. Just this week, we both had a revelation–we aren’t 85 yet. We actually probably have 35-40 years of busy living ahead. I think we are getting ready to live it.
(layout: freebie paper from Scrapgirls-Florid overlay paper special, frame: SPcom Festival_Swirly Frame. I had not used this frame before–it doesn’t look like much, but I applied pink glass effect to the frame and also bevels. I like the way it makes the picture fit the paper but also brings out the pink. I love using the plastic and glass effects with bevels for titles too.)